Not Jealous just wanted some place of my own to get my thoughts and feelings together without budding in to Nicole's story. This is my story and I feel like I am the lucky one and hate that I feel so guilty at the same time. We have always done things pretty much together and I can't help but feel I don't want to be next but have to face some reality myself that it is a real possibility for me. She will probably have saved my life and my own suffering just by being first. I now have the tools I need to protect myself. She already has saved one in my eyes and for that I am grateful. She is one of the strongest people I know and as the days go on my admiration for her courage just get's stonger and stronger. She will be fine and we will get through this time together as we always have.